


Fifteen Minutes Past Eight

by kuma166



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Angst, Hint of Daeri, M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 07:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11143944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuma166/pseuds/kuma166
Summary: Seunghyun always wonders why a particular man always comes to a small restaurant he works at, every month at the same date and time. Seunghyun remembers the sequences: he will sit at the same table, order the same menu, before getting himself wasted. He always looks sad and Seunghyun wants to erase the sadness from his face.***Daesung always wonders why he always stands there at the kitchen in his favorite restaurant without trying to talk to him. Daesung knows, that man stares at Daesung every time he goes to the restaurant. Daesung only wants to talk to him, to brush away the sadness in his own heart.





	1. Seunghyun

**Author's Note:**

> was posted in my AFF account but I closed it :D

The weather in the middle of June in Japan never ceased to fail everyone. The clouds almost cried every evening until in the middle of the night, making the way home for the salarymen difficult. Even though they brought umbrella or raincoat with them, the wetness still annoying. There wasn’t any safe bet for them: if they wanted to wash their clothes, it wouldn’t be dry the next day. But if they didn’t wash their clothes, at the end of the week, they wouldn’t have any clean clothes to wear to go to work.

Seunghyun loved to hear the sound of the falling water. If there wasn’t any customer, he would just sit and hear nature sound from the so-called kitchen. It had been his tenth month in Japan and almost his fifth month in Osaka –and also working in the small restaurant near the train station. If he heard the sound of water drops collided with the roof, he would miss his mother who always be beside him, comforting him because he was afraid of the sound of thunder that appeared sometimes between the sounds of the rain.

He was an ordinary man, trying to find out the meaning of life after the unending slaps and hits he received from his father. He was a failure, his father said, because the older man heard him confessing that he was more interested in guys rather than hundreds of beautiful girls his father offered at him. Seunghyun huffed a bitter weak laugh. He touched the healing scar on his left brow, a last mark left by his father before his only son decided to get out from the house.

The scar on his body might heal, but not the scar on his heart.

Without looking back, he took his luggage and went out from the house. His mother’s plea didn’t change his mind to take separate way from his father. In his mind, if his father truly loved him, he would accept whatever his son’s choice. His father’s ego was big, but Seunghyun’s was even bigger. The young blood in his body made him boldly taking the risk without thinking about the consequences.

He was alone and he was not used with the loneliness. He only had a few money left on his account after living here and there, hiding from his father and being a leech for his friends. Despite his hard effort to find a job, they always rejected him. The last job he had was a cashier at inconvenience store, but he was fired because they found a student who was willed to be paid lower than Seunghyun.

With the money left, he decided to go to Japan. With his friend’s help, Youngbae, he finally got a job helping a small restaurant to clean the table, wash the dishes –all the small errands he could do. Even though the payment wasn’t that good, Seunghyun got a free bowl of curry rice every night.

He lived with Youngbae, who worked as a trader in downtown. He couldn’t pay his share for the apartment yet, but he made sure that he helped Youngbae with cooking and cleaning the apartment. The black haired man didn’t have his own room and everyday he had to tidy up the  _futon_. Slowly but sure, he picked up his scattered life and for the first time in six month living a life of a leech, he paid some to Youngbae, even he insisted Seunghyun to save the money for his own.

 

 

It’s raining harder than before and Seunghyun stood up from his chair. When it was raining like this, the small restaurant would be almost empty. He sighed heavily. The specialty of this restaurant was curry rice. Sure it would be served when it was warm, but people needed something like soup to warm their body in the middle of the cold weather, and curry rice wasn’t helping that much.

“ _Haaaa—i_! Welcome to the restaurant!”

 

Seunghyun’s ears stood up upon hearing the greeting his Boss said to the incoming customer. He immediately washed his hands and started to wear plastic gloves. He smiled. Even it had been his third week helping in the kitchen, it was still like his first time to do another task and his heart beat faster than ever. His boss said that he could help in the kitchen because they found another worker to do his previous tasks. Besides, the boss found out that he could cook when he sneakily made something in the kitchen after hours.

“Oh, you again?”

Seunghyun couldn’t contain himself to not peeking from the small gap between the kitchen and the tables when he heard his boss talking in Korean with a person beside him. Seunghyun immediately took off his plastic gloves and fished out his phone to look at the screen.

 

**June, 16 th**

**20:00.**

 

 _That man again,_  Seunghyun smiled.

 

He put back the phone hastily and was about to wear his plastic gloves again. But then he realized that it was always his boss who served that particular customer since he started to work at the restaurant, so he didn’t bother to put his gloves on again.

Then his boss entered the kitchen and Seunghyun just stood up at the corner, tailing his boss’ movements with his eyes. Like a surgeon would do, his boss would wear the gloves gracefully. He took the rice to the plate and then poured curry into it. Unlike the other customers that got their curry on top of their rice, Seunghyun found out that his boss would put the curry  _around_  the rice just for that man, making the white hot rice free from anything but  _fukujinzuke_.

After that, his boss pour a cold Korean Barley Tea for him, which wasn’t on the menu. His boss had a jug only for himself stored in the refrigerator and he didn’t share it to anyone but Seunghyun and that man. Seunghyun wanted to tell his boss to serve a hot tea instead of the cold one because of the weather, but he swallowed back his words remembering that it was almost a ritual for that man.

The last thing his boss would do was taking a bucket of vanilla ice cream from the freezer, took one scoop and added sprinkle on top of it; which wasn’t on the menu either. Seunghyun folded his arms on his chest. How could his boss treat this man differently from the other customers? What was so special about him?

His boss lifted up the tray and brought it to the table in the middle. That man also sat on the same table as far as Seunghyun could remember. His boss sat in front of the man and hugged the tray after setting all the dishes in front of him.

“Hyung, you shouldn’t sit here,” he smiled weakly at Seunghyun’s boss, “It’s time.”

“You should stop doing this, Dongsaeng-ah,” the older man stood up and patted the shoulder of the customer, who Seunghyun found out was younger than his boss. “It’s been almost a year.”

“Apparently a year is not enough to heal myself,” he twirled the spoon in front of him while looking blankly at it.

“You must forgive yourself.”

“Forgive my ass,” he laughed bitterly while looking at the man in front of him.

 

Seunghyun saw his boss made circles on  _his dongsaeng’s_  back before going back to the kitchen and sat behind the counter. Including him, there were only three customer who were eating in the restaurant. He looked at his boss who was staring at the man. Unwillingly, Seunghyun also did the same.

The man always wear a black suit every time he came to the restaurant, brought a bouquet of rose with him and then would get wasted, and stayed until the restaurant closed. His boss would call a cab for him and sent him home because he couldn’t take care of himself. Although it had been his sixth time Seunghyun saw him, Seunghyun never knew his name. He eavesdropped his boss conversation one time and found out that man was left by his lover.

_A heartbroken person like me._

_Could we mend each other’s heart then?_

 

Realizing something, Seunghyun took out again his phone and read the time.

 

**20:13**

 

_Two minutes before his ritual._

 

What amazed Seunghyun was he would eat the dishes at exactly fifteen minutes past eight, no more and no less. After that time, vanished all the sadness on his face and he would eat the curry wholeheartedly. He would smile time to time while taking a glance to the seat in front of him, as if there was someone sitting.

Then there was another question popped up from his head. That man would not eat the vanilla ice cream at all and it made Seunghyun furious. As a person who loved vanilla ice cream and in the verge of bankruptcy, wasting any food was a big no-no for him. He turned his head to the right to look at his boss and snickered. Why his boss kept giving him the vanilla ice cream even though he knew that the customer wouldn’t eat that? _Better give it to me, I will eat it happily._  The thought of stopping his boss giving the vanilla ice cream to  _his dongsaeng_  crossed his mind once, but then he remembered that the man got special treatments from his boss anyway.

After finishing his curry rice and barley tea, he would ask for two bottles of soju and again, no more no less. Seunghyun snickered. That man was a light-drinker and one bottle of soju could make him drunk, let alone two bottles. But even on his drunk state, he wouldn’t forget to drink the other straight from the bottle. He would lift up his chin, loosen his necktie and with his plump lips he kissed the mouth of the bottle. His Adam’s apple would move up and down and some of the soju would escape from his mouth down to his long neck.

And at that very specific scene, Seunghyun lost his mind.

Seunghyun wanted to be the bottle.

 

 

Seunghyun was aware that the man inherited the ‘authentic Korean face’ –or so he called. A pair of small eyes and chiseled jawline were two of the characteristics.  _Overall, he is cute,_ Seunghyun thought. Seunghyun never saw that man smiled but he bet that his eyes would disappear just like Youngbae’s.

 

“Hey, Jiyong!”

 _Speak about the devil and it shall come,_  Seunghyun said inwardly. He saw Youngbae’s head appeared between the red curtains his boss put at the entrance. His boss just lifted his right hand as the answer of Youngbae’s greeting.

“Again?” Youngbae pointed out the man who was drinking the soju with his gaze and his boss nodded.

“As usual,” his boss replied his roommate shortly.

 

Seunghyun furrowed his eyebrows. Youngbae never told him that he knew the special customer of the restaurant. But then he realized that it was the first time the four of them –well, plus the man- met together in one place. Seunghyun made a mental note that he would ask Youngbae about the man, because he didn’t have the nerve to ask his boss.

Youngbae just went away without saying anything after the short talk, unlike the other days. Youngbae usually stopped by to greet his friend Jiyong, the owner of the restaurant and Seunghyun. But being a timid person Seunghyun was, he was naturally left out from the conversation. His roommate would order a caramelized fried sweet potato and then stayed for a good thirty minutes before excusing himself. He didn’t wait for Seunghyun because he knew Seunghyun would come home late.

 

 

Then a loud sound of glasses shattered in the floor was heard. Both of Seunghyun and his boss looked at the source of the noise.  _The special customer’s table!_  Seunghyun screamed in his head. He was about to take the broom and towel when a man moved faster than him. Takahashi Minami or Taka-kun, the new employee at the restaurant quickly cleaned up the mess. Seunghyun was relieved that the man was sleeping with his head on the table and it seemed that he wasn’t wounded.

“It’s only soju bottle, Boss,” said Taka-kun.

“Ah…”

“He’s okay. I think…” Taka-kun glanced at the man. “If you always fulfill his wish, he won’t be better.”

“I know. But what should I do, Taka-kun?”

“I don’t know, Boss. It’s also painful to me to see him like that.”

 _True._   _What could be the source of his craziness?_  Seunghyun thought.

Taking small steps forward, he went to the special table when he saw that the other customers went to the cashier and paid their bill. After all, he should make sure that there was not any other customer left. He took a glance at his boss and Taka, but they were busy even to pay attention at the man he was about to meet. Moreover, his boss would clean up the restaurant first before he took care of the  _special man_.

Seunghyun took a seat in front of the man. His right was glued to the table with mouth slightly opened, face almost as red as tomato and weird smell came out from him: a mix of curry and soju smell. Seunghyun shook his head in disbelief, thinking just how heavy the burden was for him to be wasted like this without companion.

He somehow understood the man’s feeling because he was on the same condition as him: drinking to forget all the complicated things in life. Before meeting Youngbae, his life was miserable. If Youngbae didn’t answer his call at that night and didn’t agree to help him, Seunghyun was sure that knife was the last “resort” to get away from the problems he had. Youngbae was his lifesaver.

_But if Youngbae knows you and can’t help you, just how big is your problem?_

 

 

Seunghyun then heard sobs from the man and he was surprised. He mumbled something that Seunghyun didn’t grasp the meaning because it was a mix between Japanese and Korean.

“Do-n’t go…” the man said and all of a sudden got up from his previous position.

Seunghyun bounced back, surprised at the sudden movement. His hand was holding a bouquet of flower and with heavy lidded eyes, he stared at Seunghyun. He blinked for a few times before giving Seunghyun a weird  _smile-irk_? It wasn’t a smile nor a smirk, but Seunghyun found it was cute rather than weird.

He gave Seunghyun the bouquet, but then his hands were too weak to wait for Seunghyun to take it, so he just put it in front of Seunghyun, and then gave Seunghyun the cute smile again.

“Do you also li— _hick_ -ke roses?”

His brows raised at the question and Seunghyun wanted to ask why he said ‘also’, but he saved the question first and ask him another.

“What is your name?”

He giggled. “I am Daesung. You’re hand - _hick_ \- some.” He giggled again, but now he cutely tilted his head to the left, making Seunghyun’s heart missed a beat. “Do you want – _hick_ \- to be my boy – _hick_ \- friend?”

Seunghyun mouth gaped at the sudden question. It was so sudden that Seunghyun just want to throw the bouquet at the man. But he remembered that the man –Daesung- was not in his right mind. So Seunghyun decided to follow the game.

“But you don’t know my name yet.”

“Tell me.”

“Seunghyun.”

“SEUNGHYUN!” He shouted. Seunghyun shushed him while looking at the cashier. Jiyong and Taka turned his head to look at the table, surprised at the sudden shout. Their eyes became bigger at first, but then they were back to clean the mess in the kitchen. Seunghyun felt guilty not to help them cleaning, but he promised that he would do their part tomorrow and let them go back earlier than him.

“Would you please calm down?”

“You have to be – _hick_ \- my boyfriend. Because you have accepted the – _hick_ \- flower.”

“How come?”

“Because by – _hick_ \- accepting the flower, you also accepted the – _hick_ \- my love!”

Seunghyun couldn’t help but to laugh at the hiccups and the silly reason. But then the man puffed his cheeks in annoyance and Seunghyun laughed even louder.

“Meanie! I hate you, Seunghyun.”

It was a good fifteen seconds of silence before a loud clang was heard from the kitchen. It seemed that Taka dropped something while cleaning. Seunghyun thought that there were thousands knives stabbed his heart when he heard last sentence from the brunette man in front of him. He caressed his left chest but the pain lingered. He wanted to cry, so he stood up and looked at Daesung with a feeling that he couldn’t describe himself. It was weird and it was more painful than the slaps he received from his father.

Daesung looked at him with sad eyes before he passed out.

***

 

Days passed and the sweater weather had gone. Everybody changed their attires to thin ones as they would face the sunny weather ahead. Seunghyun stayed in the kitchen while sometimes tried to steal moments to take a look at his phone, reading the time stated. It was the time for the man who gave him flower last month to come at the restaurant.

_The person who allegedly be my boyfriend now._

Seunghyun craned up his head when his boss greeted someone that would come to the restaurant at the same time. Seunghyun wanted to see the person, but he needed to do his job first. Seunghyun put the curry rice on the table for Taka to serve the curry for the other customer. The chef set his ears to eavesdrop whatever he could from the conversation between Jiyong and Daesung by getting closer to the partition between kitchen and cashier, but he wasn’t able to hear anything. Judging from their body movements, they were arguing about something. He snickered and wiped his hands to his apron. Then when Seunghyun heard footsteps towards the kitchen, he stepped aside –his boss would prepare the meals for Daesung.

Had nothing to do anymore at the kitchen, he walked out from it to see Daesung. He already seated on table number seven.  _Lucky number seven, but he doesn’t seem to be lucky,_ Seunghyun said in his head. He wore three pieces, but he had taken off his black blazer, leaving him only on his black vest and white shirt that hugged his body well.

_How can that beautiful person be alone and look sad every time I saw him?_

Then he remembered something; Daesung had asked him to be his boyfriend.  _Oh, I won’t mind, though,_ Seunghyun giggled at his own thought.  _Will he still remember what he said when he was drunk last month?_  Seunghyun took something from his pocket.

 

**20:10**

 

_Five minutes more._

 

The corners of Seunghyun lips arched up when he saw the time on the screen of his phone. He observed the sober Daesung before he ate the meal. Not like the other previous visits, he suddenly took a small spoon beside the ice cream and from afar, it seemed like he played with the ice cream before he licked the spoon. After licking it, he put down the spoon and resting his head in his palm while sometimes massaging his own temple.

Seunghyun tried to approach him, but because it was still working hours for him, he took a small towel with him and pretended to clean the tables near Daesung’s. Between his glances, Seunghyun saw drops of tears fell down on his cheeks and Seunghyun was taken aback.

 _Ice cream is supposed to be a treat that will make you smile,_ he thought. Because that was ice cream for him. It never failed to make Seunghyun smiled, even at the darkest moment of his life. He would eat ice cream at the rooftop of the apartment he was living, and stared at the sky. He would talk to the clouds or the moon, or the stars; because they wouldn’t tell anyone about his secrets or his problem.

He touched his pocket, expecting to feel something in it, but to no avail. He forgot to bring it earlier to work. Then he looked at the towel he was holding and cursed.  _Crap, I can’t wipe the tears with this, of course._  Seunghyun wanted to offer tissues, but it was on Daesung’s table too and he could reach it by himself. But then Daesung lifted up his head and took something out from his blazer that made Seunghyun gasped.

 

_A handkerchief._

 

If it was an ordinary handkerchief, Seunghyun wouldn’t be that surprised, but Daesung had the same handkerchief as his. Seunghyun thought that it was weird at first, because it was from a famous designer and his mom gave it to him as the last birthday gift before he decided to go away. There was only a little chance that Daesung would have the same handkerchief as his, but then Seunghyun realized that Daesung could afford the handkerchief too because, judging from his appearance, he seemed to have money to buy that handkerchief, though.

After wiping his tears, he took a look at his watch and began to eat the curry rice. Seunghyun was sure that it was fifteen minutes past eight, the usual time he began his ritual. Not wanting to bother the customer, Seunghyun went back to the kitchen and waited for the next order.

Seunghyun wondered why that customer always ordered the same menu without fail. Was it because he loved the curry rice very much, or he had memories with curry rice? What about the vanilla ice cream? Why did he cried when he tasted the ice cream? Seunghyun remembered that the brunette man never ate the vanilla ice cream. Instead he let it melt without eating it at all although today he licked the ice cream.

_Was it that painful only to eat ice cream?_

***

 

Even his boss had already served Daesung two bottles of soju like usual, it was unusual thing to see Daesung drank only one bottle of soju. He was half sober because Seunghyun saw him looking at the wall as if there was something on the wall and sometimes he would stare at the kitchen and smiled like crazy, but then he still had energy to sit straight. Seunghyun thought why didn’t the man, who always came to drink for nearly one year early, build a resistance towards the alcohol. Maybe Daesung was born with a low alcohol resistance, so he could be drunk even from one bottle of soju.

Seunghyun rubbed his nose and snickered,  _I can drink up to three bottles and still be sober._  He didn’t want to brag actually, because it was the fact. Looking at his boss, Seunghyun observed his face because he wanted to get to close to Daesung and he needed his boss’ to allow him to approach Daesung. His boss got mad earlier because Taka broke some glasses because he slipped and fell down in the kitchen and that made Jiyong’s mood bad for almost the entire night. Taka said that the floor was wet, but Seunghyun had mopped it before and Seunghyun was sure that the floor was dry before Taka brought the glasses to set it into the table.

The tall man read the time on his phone and found out that it was nearing closing time. He had cleaned the kitchen and he wanted to talk to Daesung like the month before, when he said that Seunghyun had to be his boyfriend. Seunghyun looked around Daesung’s table and found a rose on Daesung’s lap.

 

 _Do you also li—_ hick _-ke roses?_

 

Daesung’s question was ringing on his head. Seunghyun liked roses. _No, scratch that_  -Seunghyun loved roses, especially the white ones. He even had a bouquet of rose every three days to put in his vase near the window in his room. Everyone could smell the scent of the roses when they entered Seunghyun’s room –Seunghyun’s friends even mocked him because he smelt like roses even though he didn’t use any perfume.

 

 

Slowly but sure Seunghyun took his apron off and after finishing his job. He clenched his fingers and made his way to get closer to Jiyong who was standing behind the cash register. Jiyong wasn’t a crazy boss actually but he could be one sometimes and it was this night. Seunghyun stood at the opposite side and looked at Jiyong.

“Boss?” Seunghyun called him weakly, half afraid if his boss decided to get mad at him also.

Jiyong was still counting the money on the register, without looking back at Seunghyun. Seunghyun got nervous but he tried to call Jiyong once again.

“Boss…” his voice was softer than ever, “May I go to see that man over there?”

 

“BASTAARRRDDD!! HOW DARE YOU LEFT ME JUST LIKE THAT!”

 

The two men near the cash register turned their heads to see what happened to Daesung. Now he was standing with his hands on his hips, as if he was scolding someone in front of him until he sat back with head hung low. Seunghyun looked at his boss who was frozen on his place, doing nothing but staring at Daesung with eyes bigger than usual because of the sudden scream. Fortunately, there was not a lot of people since it was near closing time. Finding that his boss stood still, Seunghyun approached Daesung.

 

“Hey,” Seunghyun called Daesung and pulled the chair in front of Daesung. The man lifted up his head and then smiled crazily at Seunghyun.

“Ohohoho! Hiya there—” Daesung waved his hands eagerly when he saw Seunghyun, “—boyfriend!”

 _What the hell?_  Seunghyun cursed. “Excuse me? Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the brunette man nodded his head.

It was funny on Seunghyun eyes because Daesung’s movement was like a puppy toy he had on his apartment. He then looked at Seunghyun and giggled.

“I love at the fact that all the Seunghyuns I know are handsome,”

“Oh, really?”

“His hair is blonde. Like the first time I met you,” he giggled again.

 _But my hair is black?_ Seunghyun thought.

“You took the bouquet last month, right?” Seunghyun nodded without saying a word and Daesung took the rose that fell from his lap earlier when he was standing and cursing.

He put the rose in front of Seunghyun and said, “I am sorry today I only bought a roses. I didn’t know that the usual florist was closed. I’ve been their loyal customer and they were supposed to know that I would come today,” Daesung pouted his lips and Seunghyun just wanted to crash his lips on that pair of plump lips of Daesung.

_Why I am longing for that lips? A pair of lips as red as the petal of the rose he brought._

“So I took the free one in front of their store. They said that the roses were for their apologies for not opening their shop as usual. I wanted to take all the roses and made it into a bouquet, but then I pity the others.”

“Good boy,” Seunghyun ruffled Daesung’s hair, but he was surprised of himself for instinctively ruffling the brunette locks although Daesung seemed didn’t mind of Seunghyun’s action and even smiled under Seunghyun’s touch. He felt relieved and the warmth spread all over Seunghyun’s body.

“How are you?” Daesung suddenly asked him.

“I’m fine, I guess?” Seunghyun stated his answer and he just played with the rose in front of him, caressing its petals. He wasn’t sure about his condition, but one thing he knew that he was happy when he saw Daesung.

“Good. I wasn’t feeling fine earlier, but now I feel happy when you’re here,” Daesung grabbed his hands and Seunghyun’s breath hitched. “Oh? You’re cold?” Daesung squeezed his hands and then rubbed Seunghyun’s with his own hands, trying to make it warm.

“Maybe because I washed my hands with cold water earlier, Daesung-ssi,” Seunghyun patted the back of Daesung’s hand and Seunghyun could feel that Daesung unmoved for a while under his touch. Daesung smiled but Seunghyun found something behind the arched up lips: a bitter feeling.

“Daesung-ssi, huh?” He nodded as if he realized something, but then he just went on from it. “Seunghyun-ssi, why didn’t you come to me before? I always looked at you just standing behind Jiyong Hyung or at the kitchen. Was being in the kitchen that good?”

“I love being in the kitchen,”

“How about being with me?” Daesung asked while taking off the bottle cap. “Do you like it when you’re with me?”

Seunghyun’s lips were tightlipped, not answering Daesung’s question. The man in front of him grabbed the next bottle of soju and gulped it fast, as if he wanted to wash away whatever uneasy feeling he had, and Seunghyun only stared at him. After drinking all of the soju, Daesung didn’t let go the bottle. Lowering his head again, he squeezed the bottle hard that Seunghyun could see the vein in his hand.

“Bastard. You don’t like it, do you?” Daesung hissed. “This – _hick_ \- is - _hick-,”_  his shoulder started shaking between the hiccups, “this is not fair. THIS IS NOT FAIR!” He threw the soju bottle at Seunghyun, but Seunghyun was fast and he dodged it. The bottle hit the nearest table and broke into pieces.

Seunghyun stood up and took a few steps back from Daesung, observing what he would do next. The man was sobbing and crying, wringing his hands as if his heart was broken into pieces like the soju bottle he had thrown before. Seunghyun heard the cry and couldn’t help but to shed tears, too. It was too painful. Taka, once again, moved fast to clean the mess and Seunghyun ran into Daesung to calm him down. But Jiyong was fast; he stood beside Daesung and brought Daesung into his embrace to which making Seunghyun jealous.

_It’s me who should envelope Daesung like that._

 

“Let’s take you home, Daesung-ah. Okay?” Jiyong said while patting Daesung’s back.

“That Seunghyun, Hyung,” Daesung pointed his fore finger at Seunghyun while muffling his sobs against Jiyong’s stomach, shoulder still shaking, “He said he didn’t like being with me. What I am supposed to do, Hyung? That’s why he was in the kitchen all the time.”

Seunghyun wanted to speak up for himself because he didn’t exactly said that he didn’t want to be with Daesung, he just didn’t answered Daesung’s question. When Seunghyun was about to open his mouth, Jiyong cupped Daesung’s cheeks and leveled their eyes.

“No, Daesung. He wanted to be with you. I know that, okay? So stop crying. I will call you a taxi and… Just go home. Take a rest, okay?” Jiyong put his arms around Daesung’s shoulder, hugging him again for a moment before kissing his head lovingly.

Seunghyun only casted down his eyes at the sight.

***

 

**20:10**

 

That was the time he read on the screen and Seunghyun couldn’t help but to stare at the entrance. The man wasn’t there and it was strange.

_Where are you?_

 

“WELCOME!” Seunghyun’s boss shouted and it made him surprised. Without him knowing, Seunghyun smiled and felt relieved. But his appearance was more special than before. His quite long hair was parted 50:50 and the brunette locks framed his face so well that Seunghyun wanted to caress his cheeks. He also wore three pieces and Seunghyun fell for him again and again.

“Jiyong Hyung, no ice cream for today, please,” he gave Jiyong a tightlipped smile, “and please take that bunny doll away. It’s not good when you put it beside the cash register.”

“But this is our mascot.”

“I hate it. It makes my heart hurt.”

“Okay,” Jiyong took the bunny doll away and put it under the table. “But after you left, I will put it back.”

“As long as I don’t see it, I’m okay,” he said, “Oh, and please make the curry like the usual you make for the other customer.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to remember him again,”

Jiyong looked at Daesung thoroughly, looking for any other strange thing beside the fact that Daesung didn’t want the usual setting for him. Then Jiyong crossed his arms on his chest, “Alright if you want that.”

“By the way Hyung, I placed the bouquet and I saw Youngbae Hyung’s too. How about you?”

“I will do that after I closed the restaurant.”

“I see,” Daesung nodded at Jiyong and then he walked to his usual table.

Seunghyun eyebrows raised,  _what bouquet?_  Then he also found something strange too, Daesung didn’t bring a bouquet of rose with him.

 _So he won’t give roses to me, huh?_  Seunghyun thought. But then he shrugged his shoulder. It wasn’t like that he and Daesung had talk a lot before, so it could be Daesung’s joke when he said that by accepting the rose he became Daesung’s boyfriend.

 

_Huh?_

 

He was taken aback with his own thought.  _Since when did I want to be his boyfriend?_ His eyebrows raised and his mind twirling. Then Jiyong passed through Seunghyun when he went to serve Daesung the meals. Seunghyun glanced to the tray and felt weird that the ice cream wasn’t there. He tailed his boss who set the meal for the man.

“Hyung, give me three bottles for today, please,” Seunghyun heard Daesung talked to his boss.

“No, I won’t. These—” Jiyong pointed at two soju bottles on the table, “—are enough for you.”

“But…”

“No buts for you, Kang Daesung,” Jiyong flicked his head and looked at Daesung deeply. “You’re supposed to be sober today.”

 _Oh, so his full name is Kang Daesung,_  Seunghyun took a mental note not to forget the beautiful name.

Daesung caressed his head to make the pain disappeared and scoffed, “For what? Tell me what’s the good for me to stay sober and I will obey your words.”

Seunghyun saw his boss put Daesung’s lock behind his right ear and said, “True. There’s nothing good will happen if you stay sober. Just wasted your life, Daesung. I bet he wants to see you drunk anyway,” Jiyong crossed his arms on his chest to show that he was mad with the younger.

The younger didn’t said anything. But upon hearing Jiyong’s words, he hung low his head, as if something had hit him.

“I have to go, Daesung-ah. You know I won’t forbid you to get drunk, but then you might want to stay sober to pay respect,”

“Let’s see about that, Hyung. Just go!” Daesung waved his hands, “I’m fine.”

Jiyong could only take few steps back from Daesung before walking away to do his job again. Seunghyun stayed still in the kitchen, but when his boss got closer, he pretended to look busy. His hands might be busy doing something like touching the knife or the ladle, but his sight was nailed to the brunette man.

Seunghyun looked at the man who was moving his hands weakly to reach something from the inside of his shirt. It seemed like a necklace, but then the chef realized that it was a locket when the brunette looked at it dearly. Then he saw Daesung smiled.

_He smiled!_

 

Seunghyun put his left hand on his left chest. He was happy that he could witness such a sight after a long time observing the man.  _Cute,_ he thought. Seunghyun wished that he could see the man smiling more, because it made Seunghyun happy, too. He danced with the ladle and the knife. But then his happiness only lasted for a while, because he saw Daesung wiped something from his cheeks and it was clear that he cried.

_Just… Who’d left you hopeless like that?_

 

Seunghyun’s mind wandered, trying to remember the last time he spent his night drinking away his loneliness, but he couldn’t find other nights than the first two months after he went out from his home. After that, he buried himself by doing anything he could do, so he didn’t have time to be alone with his thought.

Because he was afraid that the loneliness would suck the life out of him.

 

 

The sound of spoon and plate clanking made Seunghyun’s attention back to the man. He was done with his meal and it confused Seunghyun. The chef thought that it must be only his fourth of fifth spoon of curry rice, but Daesung had put his plate away from him and began to open his first soju bottle. Curious at what happened, Seunghyun used the same tactics as the previous month: he took a towel then approached the table around Daesung, pretending to wipe the table or anything. It was supposed to be Taka’s job, but he didn’t care. Seunghyung just wanted to make sure that Daesung was okay.

He didn’t greet Daesung, he only tailed him with the corners of his eyes, hoping that Daesung would notice him. But nothing happened, the brunette man was busy gulping down his alcohol non-stop, as if he was drinking soda. Seunghyun stopped working for a while and took a look at the man.

Daesung seemed awful, even more awful than before.

His brunette locks was messy and the first two buttons of his shirt was unbuttoned, revealing some of his chest skin. Seunghyun spotted a mole near his collarbone and upon seeing that, Seunghyun just wanted to slip his hand in Daesung’s shirt, gently caressing the mocha skin he had and maybe placed a soft kiss on that long neck of Daesung.

Seunghyun breath hitched when such thought came across his mind. He had a longing feeling, it seemed that he had done it before,  _but when?_

 

Then Seunghyun had an idea. He took a look of his surrounding and found out that the restaurant didn’t have more customer. Jiyong had stood on the cash register, which meant that he would count the money in a moment. Then Seunghyun went to the kitchen and opened the freezer. He took a scoop of vanilla ice cream and added some sprinkles on top of it, just like when his boss served it for Daesung. His steps were light when he went towards Daesung because he was sure that he would gladly eat the ice cream if he was under Seunghyun’s supervision.

Seunghyun casually put the ice cream on the table and Daesung craned up his head to look at the person who brought the ice cream.

“I told Jiyong Hyung not to bring me ice cream,” he said half sober, “bring it back to the kitchen. I won’t eat it,” he flapped his hands.

“As if you ate the ice cream before. You just let it melted. So what is the difference now?” Seunghyun said while taking the seat in front of Daesung.

The man in front of Seunghyun just looked at him without saying anything to respond him. He just lifted his bottle again and poured the alcohol into a small glass. Then Seunghyun saw something dangling on Daesung’s neck: the locket. It was open and Seunghyun could see a picture of little girl smiling happily and he could see a big hand in the picture. It seemed that the little girl was being hold by someone.

“Cute,” Seunghyun pointed at the man’s locket.

Daesung took the locket and look at the picture inside and smiled weakly, “Right. But apparently she has small eyes, just like mine.”

Seunghyun could only nod and saved his next question about who the girl was when he saw Daesung closed the lock and put it back behind his shirt. The brunette poured soju on his glass once again, drank it in one shot and produced long ‘ah’ sound.

_He’s getting drunk again._

 

“Hey,” Daesung called Seunghyun, “I hate you,” said Daesung with a stern voice. He rested his head on his right shoulder while looking at Seunghyun with heavy lidded eyes.

“Why are you keep saying that you hate me?” Seunghyun asked.

“Because you’re just staying at the kitchen, then only two months ago you came to see me. You know I’ve been waiting for you sooooo long here. I told Jiyong Hyung to call you to accompany me like you did before, but he always said that I’m crazy,” he huffed a laugh while pointing at Jiyong who was looking at us. “How could I be crazy? He knows that you’re there in the kitchen, right?”

“I’m accompanying you, Daesung-ssi,”

“Daesung-ssi?” His voice became louder while looking at Seunghyun with fire on his eyes, “Call me Daesung-ah.”

“B-but… I don’t know you yet, Daesung-ssi,” Seunghyun said weakly, not understanding the situation.

“Are you really unfamiliar with me or you just messing around with me?”

Seunghyun shook his head, but then he answered the question, “You are… Kang Daesung?”

“Right, I am Kang Daesung and you are Choi Seunghyun,” he straightened his back, looking at Seunghyun.

Upon hearing his full name was called, Seunghyun furrowed his eyebrows. As long as he remembered, he never told Daesung his full name.

“Guess the joke that you made that day became real somehow,” he scoffed and ruffled his own hair. “Dammit.” Not wasting the soju, he drank it from the bottle and winced because of the taste of soju.

Seunghyun didn’t understand a thing Daesung had said before. Daesung was about to lift his hand to drink all the soju left on the bottle and Seunghyun tried to prevent him to do so. But the man in front of him was surprised that he dropped the bottle to the floor.

“You’re drunk, Daesung-ssi, and I think it’s better for you to stop drinking,”

“Why do you even care?”

“I don’t know! Is caring for someone a wrong thing to do?”

“Oh God,” Daesung closed his eyes and covered his face with his palm. “I want to continue my life, but this almost a year and I can’t erase you from my mind,” Daesung lifted up his hands and showed his palms at Seunghyun. Seunghyun frowned, he didn’t like the idea of being rejected by Daesung. He lifted his hand and tried to touch Daesung, but the man was faster than him. “This is not right at all,” he shook his head furiously.

Feeling slightly hazy, Daesung walked out funnily from the restaurant and left Seunghyun on the table alone. He stood up, tried to run for Daesung. But apparently the man then stopped at the entrance and chose to sit at the bench the restaurant provided for the customer on waiting list. Seunghyun followed him, but he only stood up beside the man.

“Why are you keep talking to me like that, Hyung? It seems so real to me. I guess I’m really drunk.”

Seunghyun could only stare at Daesung who was rubbing his face harshly. He massaged his temple and hit his own cheeks, as if he wanted to wake himself out.

“You’re not real. If you’re real, then why did you keep staying on the kitchen and only approached me three months ago? And why are you becoming this real when it’s the day we pay respect for you? It’s seems that the universe is playing with me. Why can’t I see our little angel?”

 _Little angel?_  Seunghyun saw that the man set his eyes on the rail set at the pedestrian that separating it from the main road. Then Seunghyun knew that Daesung was looking at the bouquet and some candles that were lit near the rail. Seunghyun was shocked that he decided to sit near Daesung.

 

It’s his picture, alongside a picture of little girl that he saw on Daesung’s locket.

 

_What?_

_Why?_

_I’m here though?_

_Who is that girl?_

 

 

“Hyung,” Daesung uttered the word weakly and Seunghyun was sure that it was for him even though he never heard Daesung called him Hyung before. But, he turned his head to see the man beside him just to find out that he was looking at the sky. “Hyung, I will stop going to the restaurant. I will move to Korea again, because I need to move on, I need to reorganize my life again. I’m sorry I will leave you and Mina here.”

Slowly but sure his words became slurred as he sobbed, “Hyung… but I promise I will come back every year for the both of you.”

Daesung cried his heart out in front of the restaurant. Some people who walked by just stared at him, but he didn’t care about anything else. He covered his face as, head hung low. Seunghyun reached for the younger, trying to hug him but his hand went through Daesung’s body, unlike the other time when Daesung could touch him.

The sound of him bawling his eyes slit Seunghyun’s heart and he tried to hug Daesung again and again while screaming, but his scream was useless. No one could hear it but himself.

 

_It was him who made Daesung sad._

_It was him who left Daesung._

 

 

Seunghyun stood up in front of the crying man, trying to pull him into his embrace. But all his efforts faded away. He couldn’t hug Daesung, he couldn’t comfort Daesung, and it stressed him. After trying for many times, Seunghyun stopped. He let the beginning of autumn breeze blew Daesung’s hair as the latter gradually stop crying.

Closing his eyes, he tried to touch Daesung’s hair once again. His emptied his mind from anything but the thought of touching Daesung, trying to focus. His fingers were shaking because he just wanted to give up if he couldn’t do anything.

When he felt that his hands were on the right position, he peeked first, afraid that he failed to touch Daesung. But after opening his eyes fully, he found that Daesung was staring at him, with the elder’s hands on his cheeks overlapped Daesung’s hand. Seunghyun felt nothing, but Daesung seemed to feel his presence. They stayed still for a moment, until the brunette opened his mouth to call him.

“Hyung?”

Seunghyun wanted to answer the weak call from the younger, but then his heart was stabbed again. Tears came out from the corner of Daesung’s eyes, wetting his own hands, and Seunghyun could only stared at him.

“I’m here, Daesung,” Seunghyun mumbled, hoping that the younger could hear him and stop crying.

Between his quiet sob, Daesung hesitated for a moment and his eyes were moving, as if he wanted to search for something. Seunghyun stood still with hands cupping the cheeks of Daesung, slowly moved to caress the skin –or so he thought.

Daesung put his hands on his thighs, curling it into fists while he closed tight his eyes, squeezing all the tears left. With his thumbs, Seunghyun tried to wipe the tears.

But the tears went through his fingers.

Seunghyun couldn’t wipe the tears.

 

Then Seunghyun realized that a blonde man took a seat beside Daesung and took him into his embrace. Seunghyun pulled out his hands and watched the two men in front of him.

“Hyung?”

“Seunghyun-ah…”

“Please, just call me Seungri, Hyung. I know we have the same name but I can’t stand you calling me with that tone, as if you’re longing for  _that_  Seunghyun, not me. It’s time to move on, okay? You promised me.”

Daesung nodded against  _the other_  Seunghyun’s chest and Seunghyun didn’t like the idea, but he couldn’t do anything.

“Let’s go, Hyung,” the blonde man stood up and reached out his hands for Daesung to take. “We have a busy day tomorrow. You might want to rest.”

The brunette nodded and reached for the blonde’s hands. He tried to stand straight but then he almost fell to the ground, if it wasn’t because of the blonde who caught him fast. He then put Daesung’s arm around his shoulder and helped him walk to the taxi that was waiting.

Seunghyun watched both of them entering the taxi until they disappeared, without knowing what to do. Then he sat on the bench and looked at the bouquets of rose at the railway. He fished out his phone and read the time.

 

**June, 16 th**

**20:15**

 

Time stopped at fifteen minutes past eight even though he had been staring at his phone for quite a while.

 

Then Seunghyun felt a tug on his shirt. He looked at his right and a little girl was there, holding the same bunny doll that he always saw beside the cash register at the restaurant. The girl swung her legs, and looked at Seunghyun while showing her baby teeth.

“Papa!”


	2. Daesung

A man looked up at the night sky and a scoff came out from his mouth. The crying cloud forced him to stand under the roof and so were the other ten people around him. He was cold, but then he remember one more important thing: the rain would make the bouquet of flower he hold wet and he didn’t want that to happen. He brushed off the drops of rain from his brunette locks and scoffed again.  _If he didn’t leave me, he will protect me from the falling rain._

He hated rain because it reminded him of someone who always stood near a window to hear the sounds of the water drops hit the roof. Sometimes, that person also made a silly competition with him: they would pick a drop of water and then made a competition out of it –the fastest droplet fell would be the winner.

 _Silly,_ the brunette man thought.

 

_I hate you, Silly._

 

Afraid that the bouquet would become rather unattractive, he hid it behind his suit. Then he fished out his phone from his pocket and read the time.

 

19.30

 

He was almost late to do his ritual and he couldn’t take that. He cursed at himself for not bringing an umbrella with him because he was confident that there wouldn’t rain in the evening. Before going to work, he thought that he had spare umbrella on his desk and moreover, he left his apartment without checking the latest weather forecast. It turned out that he had lent the spare umbrella to his friend when he came to his office.

The anxiety made him observed his surrounding, looking for a store that sold an umbrella for him to go through the rain. Fortunately he could find one just right at the corner of the street and he ran to the store, not caring about the drops of water that attacked him here and there.

 

 

He stood in front of the store while looking at the night sky again. It didn’t show any sign that the rain would stop soon. He put the bouquet between his thighs and hold his umbrella without opening it yet because he was wondering whether he should do his ritual that he had been doing for ten months or just stop right there and moved on with his life.

“Hey, may I help you with the umbrella?”

A voice of a woman startled him. Her voice was so soft and her thin lips arched up at him, making him doing the same.

“No, I am fine. Thank you,” he said.

“Oh, okay then. I thought that the store was selling broke umbrellas because last month I bought it here and it broke before I use it. I could get a replacement, though.”

Upon hearing the woman, he tried to open his umbrella, and it opened. “Apparently I don’t have to get a replacement,” he said.

“Good then,” the woman bowed slightly at him and he did the same. Then the woman walked away, leaving him alone in front of the store.

*

 

The first time he went to that restaurant was when he was going home and feeling somewhat adventurous. Although his office was near the restaurant, he never went there because it was located at the opposite of his way home. He didn’t have anything on his refrigerator and he was sick of ramen house that he went almost every week. At a time like that, he really missed his father’s cooking, but he promised himself that he could do better than missing someone who kicked his own baby out from the house just because he was different.

His parent divorced when he was very young. His father told him that his mother left even before he had his  _Doljanchi_ –his first birthday- and married another man. He grew up without the love of a woman since his grandmother also passed away and he had no aunt since his father was the only child. Growing up surrounded by men, made him thinking nothing about women.

That was when his father snapped when he found out. He even brought his child to a shaman, hoping that he was possessed and whatever ghost inside him, would come out and his child went normal again.

But it would never happen.

Instead of accepting it, his father acted crazier than ever, seeing him like he was a disgusting thing, even blaming him for being born in his drunk state. At first, he could stand all the pain, but then when it was too much, he decided to go to start a new life.

He worked day and night just to get himself in a university, because he knew that without a certain degree, his life wouldn’t go anywhere. He also studied hard, without thinking anything else, except one or two one night stands he had when he was stressed.

Without him realizing it himself, he was growing to become a fine man: he got his degree and he was accepted to work in Japan –a plus point for him. He sent his father his graduation photo, just to tell him that he could do fine and it had nothing to do with his sexual preference. But his ego went too high as he could prove that he could do well. He went wild in Japan, playing here and there.

Until that day his feet brought him to the restaurant.

*

 

“ _Haaaa—i_! Welcome to the restaurant!”

Daesung was greeted by someone after he shook his umbrella and put it outside the entrance. A familiar curry scent creeped up his nose and it made him drooling. He entered the restaurant and smiled at the person in front of the cash register.

“Oh, you again?”

Daesung bowed slightly to the man who changed his language to Korean just to speak to him.  _Kwon Jiyong_ , he giggled. It was strange to have a Korean having a Japanese curry restaurant, Daesung thought. But then he was thankful that he could meet another Korean in the middle of Japanese. He was tired of speaking Japanese and hearing plus speaking Korean with the owner of the restaurant made him slightly happy. Not to mention the owner had been a person who he thought as his own family.

 

“Hyung,” Daesung called the owner.

“I’m happier when you don’t come to here, Daesung-ah,” the older man sighed.

“I am a customer here, so you have to serve me,”

“The hell with serving you,”

“I bring money with me,” Daesung put his wallet on Jiyong’s hand, “Go get me the usual, Hyung. You don’t want to make me sad, right?”

“You don’t have to come at a particular time and date, Daesung-ah,”

 

The younger man flailed his hand at Jiyong and the older just scoffed, while making his way to the kitchen. He took his usual seat and placed the bouquet on his lap. His head slightly hurt because he didn’t get enough sleep. Despite trying so hard to sleep and even took sleeping pills, it seemed that his body was against him. For the worse, he almost ate nothing since morning; the curry would be his first meal.

Because he was a special customer, the owner specially served the meal for him. With a graceful movement, he set the meal on the table for Daesung: Curry rice, Korean barley tea and a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The brunette looked at the curry rice and he felt a pang on his heart.

The man who left him also served the curry like the one Jiyong served for him.

The curry wasn’t on top of the rice, but instead the curry would be poured around the rice and there was not  _fukujinzuke_  as the garnish, because Daesung didn’t like that. He took a glance at the other customers and saw their happy faces.  _Yeah, whoever eat the curry supposed to be happy like them._

Curry, tea and vanilla ice cream.  _It’s all his favorite,_  Daesung said inwardly.

After paying attention to the meal, Daesung found out that Jiyong was hugging a tray and sit in front of him. His face showed a pity and Daesung didn’t like that even a bit. But he didn’t have energy to confront the older, so he just took a deep breath while hiding his feeling.

“Hyung, you shouldn’t sit here,” he smiled weakly at Jiyong. “It’s time.”

“You should stop doing this, Dongsaeng-ah,” the older man stood up and patted his shoulder. “It’s been almost a year.”

“Apparently a year is not enough to heal myself,” Daesung hold the glass of barley tea and stared blankly at it. His mind swirling at the thought of stopping doing his monthly ritual. He didn’t want to erase the memories but it was exhausting for him.

“You must forgive yourself.”

“Forgive my ass,” he laughed bitterly.

 

Jiyong made circles on Daesung’s back before bringing the tray with him and put it on the kitchen. Daesung took a look at his menu. It was always the same menu, but it would never be the same again without two people on his front. He smiled bitterly at his own thought.

 

_Why are you doing this, Daesung-ah?_

 

Daesung got a sudden chill on his neck upon imagining someone called his name. He gritted his teeth and took a glance to the kitchen without turning his head.

 

_He’s usually there, looking at me._

 

But then he couldn’t find a shadow he was familiar with.

 

Daesung felt a vibration on his trousers and he closed his eyes while patting a locket inside his shirt. He wanted to cry. He wanted to blame himself.

_If only I didn’t come to the restaurant late._

 

He shoved down the curry in hurry because he just wanted to drink the soju. He wanted to forget his mistakes that had the love of his life taken away from him. But every time he tried to forget, the memories kept coming back. How could he forget when every corner, every place he went, every little things he saw, reminded him to Seunghyun and their little angel?

Daesung finished his curry and flicked away the bottle cap with one thumb. He realized that Seunghyun didn’t want him to drink a lot, but he didn’t know the other way to spend the sixteenth day of every month alone.

He forgot the feeling of being alone since he met Seunghyun.

Their hearts were so empty that it matched each other so well. They filled the gap of each other’s heart and Daesung forever grateful he could meet Seunghyun, but at the same time the mischievous sprite whispered the word regret to his head.

 

Because if he didn’t meet Seunghyun, he wouldn’t have to experience the feeling of sad bereavement.

 

But maybe the sadness he felt was just the proof that he had a good time with Seunghyun.

 

Daesung drank the soju in big gulps, but then he slowly lost his consciousness. He was about to put the soju bottle on the table, but his hand couldn’t comply with him. Instead of putting it on the table, he dropped the bottle and it made a loud sound. Daesung wanted to clean the mess, but he could only put his head on the table, hoping that someone would help him.

Helping him to meet his Seunghyun.

The tears were brimming on his eyes, ready to fall down, but he didn’t have any energy left to cry. He had promised Jiyong and Youngbae not to cry again and that was the only way Jiyong and Youngbae let him to come to the restaurant. Daesung knew that he was a fool, but he didn’t know how to stop being a fool.

“ _Fool, you’re a fool. I’m a fool to believe you,_ ” Daesung mumbled.

Then he felt a sudden cold breeze delivering a sweet scent of rose to his nose. Daesung’s breath hitched and he suddenly sat straight.

“Do-n’t go…”

It was meant for the scent of rose that he just inhaled, but then his eyes caught a familiar presence of someone. At first, he was surprised and decided to blink a few times, to make sure that the presence he was longing at didn’t disappear. He wanted to smile, but he also wanted to smirk, because finally he could meet that person who was always standing in the kitchen.

He took a glance at his Jiyong hyung. ‘ _He’s here, Hyung,’_  that was Daesung wanted to tell Jiyong. But he had to make sure that it was Seunghyun who sat in front of him. Seunghyun liked roses, so he gave the bouquet he was holding to the  _Seunghyun._  But to Daesung disappointment, the man just stared at him and Daesung decided to put it in front of him.

 _So he wanted to play?_  Daesung thought. His Seunghyun loved to play roles. He would act that he didn’t know Daesung and Daesung had to play along every time. At first, Daesung found it was strange, but then it always reminded Daesung on how they became close.

 

“Do you also li— _hick_ -ke roses?”  _Because his Seunghyun loved roses._

Daesung saw the man in front of him raised his eyebrows.  _Oww… Nice acting._

“What is your name?” he asked Daesung.

Daesung giggled at the question. Seunghyun never ran out of ideas and it wasn’t the first time Daesung was asked his name.

“I am Daesung. You’re hand - _hick_ \- some,” Daesung tilted his head cutely, because he was impatient if Seunghyun wanted to play. He missed Seunghyun so much that he just want to hug him. And in order to do that, Seunghyun must be his. He giggled again and said, “Do you want – _hick_ \- to be my boy – _hick_ \- friend?”

“But you don’t know my name yet.”

“Tell me.”

“Seunghyun.”

“SEUNGHYUN!” Daesung shouted. His body was suddenly filled by excitement because he got to have conversation with Seunghyun. He wanted to say that Seunghyun was here with him to Jiyong, that it was not his imagination.

“Would you please calm down?”

“You have to be – _hick_ \- my boyfriend. Because you have accepted the – _hick_ \- flower.”

“How come?”

“Because by – _hick_ \- accepting the flower, you also accepted the – _hick_ \- my love!”

Seunghyun laughed at the hiccups and the silly reason and Daesung didn’t like that. It was Seunghyun’s line when he asked Daesung out. He puffed his cheeks in annoyance and Seunghyun laughed even louder. But then Daesung realized that there was no way Seunghyun’s laughter was so real.

There was no way Seunghyun came to meet him and there was no way Seunghyun was here with him. His heart squeezed, he wanted to hit Seunghyun and he wanted to cry loudly. But he just couldn’t decide what to express. He looked at the man in front of him. With a stern voice, he said, “Meanie! I hate you, Seunghyun.”

Daesung looked at Seunghyun with sad eyes before he passed out.

**

 

_August 16 th, 6 years ago._

 

_“Hey there, Handsome Man!” Seunghyun greeted Daesung with his bright smile and dimples showing. His white hair stood out from the crowd and it made the people stared at him. Daesung smiled back. He was waiting for the man to show with the rose and the curry with a pounding heart and he felt tickles all over his body when he the man came towards his table._

_“Table seven, lucky number seven,” Seunghyun set the curry, barley tea and the rose on the table. “Please enjoy, Handsome,” Seunghyun winked at Daesung and upon seeing the wink, his heart skipped a beat. He hit the chef of the curry restaurant playfully._

_“Wasn’t Jiyong Hyung angry at you, Hyung? You steal his barley tea every time I go here,”_

_“It’s my share. You can have it,” the older beamed a smile._

_“How about you?”_

_“I’m fine!” Seunghyun smiled._

_Daesung also smiled, but the corner of his eyes caught a man who was crossing his hands on his chest. “Hyung, Jiyong Hyung is mad, I think. Hurry back to the kitchen.”_

_“But please stay here until the restaurant closed, okay? I have something for you.”_

_Daesung just wanted to dance because he was so happy but he had to stay composed because he didn’t want to bother Seunghyun anymore. It was a special thing that he could have the chef himself to serve his meal. Moreover, he was interested at the chef, the white haired chef that stole his heart. Two months of playing push and pull had shown its perks and it was life changing experience for Daesung. He stopped playing here and there and focused his energy to attract Seunghyun._

What is the probability of meeting a Korean man who has the same sexual orientation as him, who works as a chef, in a Japanese curry restaurant and is handsome as fuck?

_The brunette man giggled when he thought about his luck. Well, he expected something from the older man when he said that Daesung had to stay. The truth was, Daesung knew what would happen but he kept his fingers crossed and his expectation low. But Seunghyun was so promising and his confidence raised when the owner of the restaurant, Kwon Jiyong, spilled something about Seunghyun’s plan._

 

_Seunghyun was going to ask him out._

 

_Everyone who looked at him when he was eating the curry might think that something had possessed Daesung, because he couldn’t stop grinning while shoving the curry down to his throat. Even Taka, the new employer at the restaurant, had to ask whether Daesung was sick or something because he smiled with carrot and potato on his teeth._

 

 

_It was almost the closing time and no one but Daesung stayed at the restaurant. Daesung’s heart was racing uncontrollably. Heck, he couldn’t control the beating anyway, but he felt that his heart was on his throat. He had to close his eyes chant mantras to calm himself down._

_Then he smelt scent of rose came from his behind. He inhaled the calming scent and smiled –it was definitely Seunghyun’s scent. But why was the scent stronger? He opened his eyes and found out Seunghyun was bringing a huge rose bouquet with him. White, pink, red, yellow; he had all the colors of rose in one bouquet. The older gave the bouquet to him and Daesung gladly took it._

_“You have to be my boyfriend now,” Seunghyun let out a cocky smile._

_“Why?”_

_“Because you took the flowers!” He laughed. “You know, I gave you a rose almost every day, even I had it sent to your office. The rose represents my heart. For this three months, I give my heart little by little. Then that big bouquet on your hands is my whole heart. So, Kang Daesung, what is your answer?”_

_Daesung blushed and the younger was sure his face was as red as the red roses on his hands. He covered his face with the bouquet but leaving his small eyes visible for Seunghyun to see. Seunghyun gave Daesung his best smile while waiting for the younger to answer._

_“Well, Kang Daesung? I’m waiting,”_

_The younger shyly put down the bouquet and took two steps forward to close the gap between him and Seunghyun. He tiptoed and kissed Seunghyun’s cheek. “I hope you understand the answer,” the younger said while hugging the bouquet._

_Seunghyun grinned, but soon a falling crescent was shown on his face and crossed his hands on his chest. “No, I don’t understand it,” he pretended to get mad at the younger._

_“So?”_

_“You have to say it!”_

_“Aish! I answered it tho! Action is louder than words!” Daesung hit Seunghyun’s arm lightly._

_“Then give me bigger action!”_

_The younger only tilted his head in confusion. Seeing the younger didn’t get the meaning, he tapped his own lips with his fore finger and puckered it while closing his eyes. Daesung blushed even more at the thought of kissing Seunghyun._

_“Hurry, hurry!” Seunghyun said. “Boss only gave me fifteen minutes because I was sure that I will get a yes from you.”_

_Seunghyun took a peek with his right eye, to see whether Daesung would kiss him or not. But when Daesung got closer to him, he immediately grabbed the back of Daesung’s neck with one hand and the other supported the younger by grabbing his hips. Daesung was surprised, but the gentle lips movement from the chef eventually made him relax and made him put his hands around Seunghyun’s neck. He breathed Seunghyun’s scent and the kiss was getting hotter._

_Feeling that his legs couldn’t support his weight because the kiss was so intense, Daesung pushed Seunghyun. He didn’t realized that the bouquet was long dropped on the floor. Seunghyun still had his hands locked behind Daesung and his eyes sparkled when he looked at Daesung._

_Daesung melted._

_He moved fast to smack his lips on Seunghyun’s and the kiss was even hotter than before. Seunghyun’s hands dangerously moved to grab the shorter man’s perky bottom and Daesung moaned against Seunghyun’s mouth._

 

 

_“YAYAYAYAYAYAYA! BEHAVE! GET A ROOM YOU TWO! TAKA IS UNDERAGE YOU KNOW!”_

_A high pitched voice was heard and then they each got a smack on their heads. Daesung grinned at his Jiyong Hyung. But upon seeing the ladle, his anger arose._

_“AII HYOOOOONG! It’s a ladle for cooking, right?”_

_“No, Daesung Honey. This is a special ladle to smack you and Seunghyun’s Hyung head if I see both of you making out again in my restaurant!”_

_“You’re just jealous! I told you to ask Youngbae but you didn’t hear me,” Seunghyun pulled Daesung to his embrace._

_“I will snatch Daesung from you, Hyung,” Scoffed came out from Jiyong’s mouth. Turning his head, he looked at Daesung. “Dae Honey, I have money. Come on, come to Papa Jiyong, huh? Leave this poor bastard and Papa will tell you the secret recipe of Dragon Curry.”_

_“Keep the recipe for yourself, Hyung. I am rich now because I have Sweetie Seunghyun with me now,” Daesung giggled while looking at Seunghyun._

_“I am full every time I see you, Dae Baby…” Seunghyun winked at Daesung._

_“What a bunch of sick people!” Jiyong screamed and left them alone._

***

 

Daesung steps were heavy. He wanted to curse at the usual florist who usually provided him a bouquet of rose because it was closed and Daesung could only take a free rose they put in front of the shop as their apology. He dragged his feet to the restaurant and Jiyong greeted him.

“Daesung?”

“Who else?” The brunette man scoffed. “Hyung, like I told you in the text, he was here.”

“Stop making my restaurant a haunted place, Daesung-ah. I have talismans placed at every corner of my restaurant now,” Jiyong crossed his hands on his chest, eyebrows narrowed and eyes on fire when he heard Daesung said such a thing.

“But I talked to him last month!”

“Oh God!” Jiyong rolled his eyes. “You are suffering because of that expired memories of him, Daesung-ah! Get a life!”

“Then who took my rose, Hyung?”

“TAKA-CHAN!” Jiyong finally snapped. It was true that Taka took the bouquet, though.  “Whatever, Daesung. Just sit and I will make it to you,” The older man went to the kitchen and Daesung walked towards his usual table, slightly upset with Jiyong’s tone.

He rubbed his face harshly, not knowing what happened with him because his Seunghyun was there, he was sure about that. He remembered that his lover took the bouquet of his favorite flower: rose.

_Or not?_

 

Then he tried to put the pieces of his memory together.

 

_I only put the bouquet on the table. He didn’t take the bouquet._

 

 

Jiyong came to his table and set the meal without saying anything. Daesung snickered. Who wouldn’t be terrified when someone said that there was a ghost or spirit or whatever deities in his restaurant? It would scare the customer too and Daesung wanted to apologize to his Jiyong Hyung. But who else he could share the story?

His eyes caught the vanilla ice cream with sprinkles on the top of it and stabbed it with the small spoon.  _It’s like Seunghyunnie’s hair now, and like your hair when I met you for the first time, right Seunghyun Hyung?_ Daesung felt a prick in his heart, a small pain but it slowly spread all over his body. He licked the spoon and then rested his head in his palm, messaging the temple to ease his spinning head.

“Mina-ya…” Daesung said almost quiet.

The ice cream also reminded him to his little angel and the sound of her laughter when she licked the spoon clean. If only they were here with Daesung, Seunghyun and Mina would compete for the one and only scoop of vanilla ice cream with the touch of sprinkles Seunghyun had stored for Mina only. It was a treat for Mina so she would finish the curry rice.

“Mina-ya… Hyung… I miss you all…” he mumbled and slowly his tears falling down. The last month’s memories were so real that he was confused whether it was his imagination or Seunghyun really was there to console him. The tears seemed to have no ending, but he had to do his ritual. So, he lifted up his head and took out a special handkerchief from his pocket.

Daesung wiped his tears with the handkerchief and took a look at his watch.  _It’s time,_  he said inwardly. Seunghyun gave the handkerchief to him although it was the only memorabilia he had from his mother when he was crying. His right hand took the spoon and his other hand grabbed the handkerchief firmly.

 

No one could wipe his tears for him anymore. He had to accept the reality.

**

 

_June, 16 th 5 years ago._

 

_Daesung was staring at Seunghyun’s backside when he was washing the dishes at the kitchen. There was no significant change in their life except that they had couple rings as a sign than they’re married. It was a small ceremony, only ten people came include Taka-chan, Jiyong and Youngbae. Then they had a small party in Daesung and Seunghyun’s apartment. Even though they ordered the food, it was still an intimate time for the four of them._

_Seunghyun was almost done with the dishes when Daesung let out a chuckle._ He’s still a kind hearted person because he always does the dishes,  _Daesung thought._

_“Why are you chuckling, huh?” Seunghyun turned to see the owner of the chuckle._

_“Am I not allowed to chuckle?” Daesung huffed a laugh and started to walk towards the kitchen. He hugged Seunghyun from behind and snuggled his face on Seunghyun’s nape._

_“Well,” Seunghyun wriggled from the embrace. He turned to face Daesung who whined because he still wanted to inhale Seunghyun’s rose scent. “You were thinking something funny about me, right? You must have thought that I looked funny with this pink—” he grabbed the apron to show to Daesung, “—and bear-y apron. Damn it lessens my handsomeness,”_

_“No, you look good in that and no, I wasn’t thinking about you looking funny. You rock all kind of outfits, Jagiya,”_

_Seunghyun froze when he heard Daesung called him ‘jagiya’. It was a foreign thing to hear from Daesung but it felt nice. Seunghyun hid his wide smile by turning to show his back again at Daesung._

_“You don’t like to be called ‘jagiya’, Hyunnie?” asked Daesung._

_“I like it so much that I can’t face you,” Seunghyun covered his face with his palm._

_Daesung squirmed at the fact that Seunghyun acted all embarrassed. He found it adorable and he hugged Seunghyun again from behind, kissing his neck._

_“Aish. Just let me dry my hand first and then I’ll come to you,” Seunghyun said._

_“Dry it now,” Daesung stepped back to let Seunghyun dried his hands._

_Seunghyun sighed at the commanding tone from the younger, but he complied with the younger. He wiped his hands with a towel hung near the sink and then tried to pull the string of his apron._

_“Daesung-ah?” he called his husband._

_“Yes?”_

_“Would you please help me to take off this apron?” Seunghyun pointed the twisted string on his back. “I think I pulled the wrong string,”_

_The younger smirked, his hands started to untangle the strings and then whispered at Seunghyun, “Doesn’t it feel like, I am slowly opening your robe and ready for something naughty?”_

_One of Daesung’s hand slipped into Seunghyun’s shirt and one of them taking of the apron from Seunghyun and he let it dropped on the floor. Not long after, the other hand also caressing Seunghyun’s stomach from behind. The taller man shivered at the touch, but then he caught Daesung’s hands._

_“Aigeuuu! This super horny man! We won’t do something tonight because we have to go to register our marriage tomorrow. It’s funny if you’re staggering when we’re going there,”_

_Daesung pouted, but Seunghyun then kissed the pout away. He held Daesung’s hand and led him to the couch. They just realized that they’re tired when they threw their body to the couch. After the small party they had to celebrate their marriage with Youngbae and Jiyong, Daesung felt there was a hole in his heart, but he didn’t know how to fill it. Daesung snuggled closer to Seunghyun and put his legs on Seunghyun’s lap._

_The two men stayed in silence. The older man was peppering his lover’s hair with kisses while Daesung played with Seunghyun’s long fingers. They were busy with their own thought, but they appreciated each other presence._

_“Dae-baby?”_

_Daesung lifted his chin up to see Seunghyun, “Hmmm?”_

_“Don’t you feel empty? I mean, I don’t know why but after Jiyong-ie and Youngbae went home I feel empty. After the laughter and all the noise, then it’s just the both of us…”_

_Upon hearing the older man, Daesung hugged him tightly. “It’s always the two of us against the world, though. Why suddenly—”_

_“Do you want a baby, Daesung-ah?”_

_“Ehh?”_

_“I know, it seems that I am rushing you, but, I just want this apartment to be livelier with all the cry and the laughter. You don’t like the idea?”_

_Daesung grabbed Seunghyun’s cheeks and kissed his lips because he realized what the hole in his heart meant, “I was thinking about this empty feeling in my heart than you asked the same! We’re truly meant for each other! Let’s search for information about that. Surrogate mother? Adoption? Do we really have the money to do that?”_

_Seunghyun’s eyes sparkled when he found out that Daesung felt the same thing. “I don’t know how actually, but I really want a surrogate mother to bear our child. You know, so we could feel that the child still has our blood. But it’s not that I don’t agree with adoption, though. As for the money, I think I have some… How about you?”_

_“Well, I have money!” the younger laughed. “I don’t mind being all poor if then we could have a child. We can work harder, or you could steal Jiyong Hyung’s secret recipe and sell it!”_

_“That’s a good idea!” Seunghyun snapped his fingers. Feeling happy, he ran his fingers through Daesung’s hair. “If we have a child, you’re not alone when I leave you…”_

_“Uwaaah. I don’t believe it, Hyung. This is our first day and you’re thinking of leaving me,”_

_“Aish! Not that leaving,_ leaving, _you know. When I am not in this world again! By logic, I will leave this world first. Then I will haunt you~~”_

_“Make sure that if you left this world your spirit or your ghost still loves me. Because I want to be loved by you even in the other life,” Daesung pouted._

_The older laughed with the younger. Then he hugged Daesung and placed a sweet smooch on his right cheek._

_“I love you, Kang Daesung. Until whenever.”_

**

 

_October 16 th, 4 years ago._

 

_The sound of a baby crying was heard in a delivery room. Daesung looked at the amazing sight beside Seunghyun. He’s scared of the blood, but his curiosity defeated the fear. The doctor gave the baby to the mother and the two men came near the bed._

_“It’s a girl,”_

_Daesung’s tears fell down but he immediately wiped it. Seunghyun touched the baby girl who was on the mother’s chest._

_“Take her, Seunghyun-ssi. She’s all yours,”_

_“You’re her mother…”_

_“I just bore her. I did this only for money so I didn’t have the right to be called a mother…” she smiled bitterly._

_Seunghyun took the baby and showed her to Daesung,”She’s beautiful, right?”_

_The younger touch the baby’s skin and he trailed his hands on her arm. “Yeah, and so soft like a silk…”_

_“Mina, Choi Mina. Mi from beautiful and Na for thin silk, like you said…”_

_“Choi Mina, I love that.”_

_Then the nurse came to take the baby, to clean her. Seunghyun went to see the mother again._

_“Thank you for your hard work, I guess?” Seunghyun scratched his head upon not knowing what to say. “I’ll be going first. See you later, okay?”_

_The mother nodded weakly. Seunghyun led Daesung out from the room and the younger didn’t let Seunghyun’s hand go. He kept holding it tightly._

_“Hello, Daddy.” Seunghyun kissed Daesung’s head. “That’s our daughter.”_

_“I know. But it’s still foreign to me.”_

_“We’ll learn.”_

_“Should we move to a wider apartment?”_

_“I think it’s okay for now, Baby. If she becomes bigger and begins to learn how to walk, then we will think about that. We save money first, okay?”_

_Daesung tugged Seunghyun’s shirt and looked at the older man, “Don’t leave me because I don’t know how to raise a baby, Hyunnie.”_

_“I promise I won’t leave you alone, Daesung-ah,”_

**

 

_But you leave me alone, Hyung._

 

“BASTAARRRDDD!! HOW DARE YOU LEFT ME JUST LIKE THAT!” Daesung screamed out loud his heart. His chest moved up and down because of the uneven breath. Standing up, he put his hands on his hips, angry at the thought that Seunghyun couldn’t fulfill his promise.

He sat back on the chair, realizing that no matter he wanted to curse at Seunghyun, he wouldn’t be back. He twirled the soju bottle in front of him and drank the liquor.  _But then, I know he’s here anyway._

“Hey,”

Daesung lifted up his head upon hearing the baritone voice calling him.  _See? My Seunghyunnie is here._ He smiled like crazy at the man in front of him, feeling content that his Seunghyun was there again. He waved his hands to greet Seungyun.

“Ohohoho! Hiya there boyfriend!”

“Excuse me? Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the brunette man nodded his head, but he was slightly angry because the man in front of him didn’t remember that the last month Daesung asked him to be his boyfriend. He then looked at Seunghyun. It’s funny that Seunghyun still looked the same as the first time they met. But when they first met, his hair was white and it matched the white rose Seunghyun brought when he proposed Daesung.

His mind wandered to other Seunghyun he knew and Daesung giggled at the white hair  _the other Seunghyun_  had.

“I love at the fact that all the Seunghyuns I know are handsome,”

“Oh, really?”

“His hair is blonde. Like the first time I met you,” Daesung giggled again.

Seunghyun ran out his fingers through his locks. Daesung tried to recall the upset things that Jiyong said to him about the roses.

“You took the bouquet last month, right?”

Seunghyun nodded as the answer. Daesung looked at the rose that fell down from his lap and gave it to Seunghyun. His head ached and it was terrible for him. He just wanted to lay his head on the table, but then he didn’t want Seunghyun to go. He wanted Seunghyun to stay.

He took a last look at the rose he hold and then put the rose in front of Seunghyun, “I am sorry today I only bought a rose. I didn’t know that the usual florist was closed. I’ve been their loyal customer and they were supposed to know that I would come today,” Daesung pouted his lips. “So I took the free one in front of their store. They said that the roses were for their apologies for not opening their shop as usual. I wanted to take all the roses and made it into a bouquet, but then I pity the others.”

“Good boy,” Seunghyun hands reached out to ruffle Daesung’s hair. Daesung looked at the man dearly. He really loved when Seungyhyun ruffled his hair because he could feel his love through the fingers of the older man. Daesung closed his eyes to feel the happiness he couldn’t get lately and smiled.

_My Seunghyun is here._

“How are you?” Daesung looked at the pale skin Seunghyun had.

“I’m fine, I guess?” Seunghyun stated his answer while playing with the rose Daesung gave him before.

“Good. I wasn’t feeling fine earlier, but now I feel happy when you’re here,” Daesung grabbed Seunghyun’s hands. “Oh? You’re cold?” He was surprised at the coldness and then the younger squeezed the hands and then rubbed it, trying to make it warm.

“Maybe because I washed my hands with cold water earlier, Daesung-ssi,” Seunghyun patted the back of Daesung’s hand.

Daesung smiled bitterly.  _What Daesung-ssi? It’s Daesung-ah or Dae-Baby for you, Hyung. Are you going to prolong this play?_

“Daesung-ssi, huh?” Daesung played with his hands. Then he realized that it was the second time Seunghyun came to him despite seeing him for the last months. He paid attention at Seunghyun face and asked, “Seunghyun-ssi, why didn’t you come to me before? I always looked at you just standing behind Jiyong Hyung or at the kitchen. Was being in the kitchen that good?”

“I love being in the kitchen,”

 _You’re place is in the kitchen, indeed. But I want to talk to you._ Daesung grabbed the soju bottle. “How about being with me?” he asked while taking off the cap from soju bottle. “Do you like it when you’re with me?”

The black haired man in front of Daesung closed his mouth, not answering the question and it made Daesung furious. He grabbed the soju bottle and gulped the liquor fast. Daesung knew if Seunghyun saw him drinking that crazy, he would stop him to drink. But the Seunghyun in front of him didn’t do anything and it stabbed Daesung’s heart. After drinking all of the soju, he squeezed the bottle hard because he hated the fact that Seunghyun didn’t answer his question.

_He didn’t like being with me and that’s why he left me, right?_

 

Daesung’s hatred reached its peak. “Bastard. You don’t like it, do you?” he hissed. “This – _hick_ \- is - _hick-_ this is not fair. THIS IS NOT FAIR!” He threw the soju bottle at Seunghyun, but Seunghyun was fast and he dodged it. The bottle hit the nearest table and broke into pieces. Daesung took a look at the broken soju bottle.

 

_My heart is also broken, Hyung, like that bottle._

_Please tell me, tell me that you like it when you’re with me._

 

Daesung couldn’t hold his tears anymore. He wringed his hands and let out a sad cry anyone could ever hear. But Seunghyun just stayed there, he did nothing to calm down Daesung and it wounded Daesung’s heart more. He needed Seunghyun to talk to him, to console him like before. He saw Seunghyun stepped forward towards him, but his Jiyong Hyung was faster. He brought Daesung into his embrace and when Daesung took a last glance, Seunghyun hung low his head.

 

_Why someone is faster than you to hug me when I want it to be you?_

 

“Let’s take you home, Daesung-ah. Okay?” Jiyong said.

“That Seunghyun, Hyung,” Daesung pointed his fore finger at Seunghyun while muffling his sobs against Jiyong’s stomach, “He said he didn’t like being with me. What I am supposed to do, Hyung? That’s why he was in the kitchen all the time.”

Jiyong cupped Daesung’s cheeks, trying to talk to the drunk Daesung. “No, Daesung. He wanted to be with you. I know that, okay? So stop crying. I will call you a taxi and… Just go home. Take a rest, okay?” Jiyong put his arms around Daesung’s shoulder, hugging him again for a moment before kissing his head.

The tears had stopped flowing, but Daesung still hated Seunghyun.

**

 

“Welcome to the restaurant!”

Daesung went to approach the owner of the restaurant and his eyes caught a bunny doll. The grievous feeling he intended to shoo away was back upon seeing the ragged doll. It wasn’t as white as when the last time he looked at it, but the memories behind the bunny doll rushed at him. The laughter, the cry, the pouty face of his little angel… Daesung missed her.

“Jiyong Hyung, no ice cream for today, please,” Daesung gave Jiyong a bitter smile. “And please take that bunny doll away. It’s not good when you put it beside the cash register.”

“But this is our mascot…”

The younger shook his head. “I hate it. It makes my heart hurt.”

“Okay,” Jiyong took the bunny doll away and put it under the table so Daesung didn’t complain anymore. “But after you left, I will put it back.”

“As long as I don’t see it, I’m okay,” Daesung said weakly. “Oh, and please make the curry like the usual you make for the other customer.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to remember him again,”

Jiyong looked at Daesung thoroughly the younger didn’t like his gesture. It was like he was caught lying or doing something bad. But lying was what he did. His mouth might sad that he didn’t want to remember Seunghyun anymore, but his heart said the opposite. Jiyong crossed his arms on his chest as if he knew that Daesung had hidden something from him.

“Alright if you want that.”

Daesung felt relieved. He looked at the vase beside the cash register and remembered something. “By the way Hyung, I placed the bouquet and I saw Youngbae Hyung’s too. How about you?”

“I will do that after I closed the restaurant.”

“I see,”

 

Daesung was kind of dragging his step. It was heavier than his usual steps because he knew that it had been one year after he was left. He scoffed, displeased at his own behavior, grieving for Seunghyun and Mina for so long that he didn’t know what to do with his life anymore. Then he remembered the other Seunghyun,  _Lee Seunghyun_ , who told him that he wanted to fix Daesung.

Daesung didn’t really understand what Lee Seunghyun saw in him: broken hearted, a fool with unending tears, and a man without smile. But there was one quality that those two Seunghyuns had in common: determination; and Daesung’s heart slowly wavered.

Still, he was afraid to give his heart to someone else.

 

_As if I still have a heart._

_Because he took my heart away when he left me._

 

He wasn’t supposed to mourn, but Lee Seunghyun said that it would be the last time Daesung could mourn because he would take Daesung back to South Korea, leaving all his memories in Japan and moved on. Daesung wasn’t sure if he could do that, but it’s his chance to get a better life.

Jiyong came to his table and brought back Daesung to reality. He saw the curry wasn’t poured as the usual –rice on the center of the plate and the curry rice surrounded the rice as if it was a boat in the ocean. Daesung had the same curry, no special curry for the supposed-to-be-special day.

 “Hyung, give me three bottles for today, please,” said Daesung with a plea to Jiyong. The liquor would be his last, he promised to himself and for the sake of Lee Seunghyun who had been waiting for him.

“No, I won’t. These—” Jiyong pointed at two soju bottles on the table, “—are enough for you.”

“But…”

“No buts for you, Kang Daesung,” Jiyong flicked Daesung’s head while looking at Daesung deeply. He understood the pain, but he wanted the younger to take care his own health. “You’re supposed to be sober today.”

Daesung found the truth behind Jiyong’s words, but it only pained him more. He caressed his head to make the pain disappeared and scoffed, “For what? Tell me what’s the good for me to stay sober and I will obey your words.”

Jiyong put Daesung’s brunette locks behind his right ear, “True. There’s nothing good will happen if you stay sober. Just waste your life, Daesung. I bet he wants to see you drunk anyway,” Jiyong crossed his arms on his chest to show that he was mad with the younger.

The younger didn’t said anything. But Jiyong’s words had stabbed him. He hung low his head because he also knew that Seunghyun didn’t want to see him wasting his life. There was a suffocating silence between Jiyong and Daesung until Jiyong decided to go.

“I have to go, Daesung-ah. You know I won’t forbid you to get drunk, but then you might want to stay sober to pay respect,”

“Let’s see about that, Hyung. Just go!” Daesung flailed his hands, not wanting to hear from Jiyong anymore. “I’m fine.”

 

_Am I fine?_

 

Mina’s laughter rang inside his head when he looked at the curry. Daesung’s hand slowly moved to reach the locket inside his shirt and opened it. It was supposed to be Mina and Seunghyun’s picture together, but it was hard or Daesung to put their picture together as it was bigger than the locket that he had to cut Seunghyun’s head.

Daesung smiled at the memory, but the feeling didn’t last long. He missed them even more after looking at the locket. Daesung wiped the tears and finally eat the curry.

**

 

_December 16 th, two years ago._

 

_“Mina doesn’t want to eat!”_

_The man in front of her sighed in defeat. Mina hadn’t eat anything but snacks since she had her proper meal, which was breakfast, and it was already dinner time. Daesung had talked to Seunghyun about Mina’s behavior lately, how hard it was to feed Mina, but it seemed that Mina behaved well when her Papa was around._

_“So what does Mina want?” Daesung squatted in front of her who was chewing strawberry._

_“Curry?”_

_“Mina will eat curry if we go to the restaurant?”_

_Mina nodded fast._

_“Alright then. Let’s go to see Papa!”_

_The little girl raised her hands and danced. She immediately went to the closet and being all noisy to get her Daddy to take her winter jacket._

_“Daddy, fast, fast!”_

_Daesung put the jacket for Mina and lifter her. “Curry plane take off!!”_

_“Curryyyy!!!”_

_*_

 

_But Mina was lying._

 

_After giving her mini set for the kid, Mina only played with the curry without eating it and it slowly got on Daesung’s nerves._

_“Mina-ya, if Daddy’s not mistaken, you said that you will eat curry if we go to the restaurant?”_

_Instead of answering Daesung’s question, the little girl ran away. Her little steps were heading for one place that got her attention before: the cash register. When she reached it, she tried standing on her toes, but then it was still too high for Mina. She jumped, worked hard to get the bunny doll beside the machine, but to no avail._

_Daesung got an idea and then walked towards Mina. “Mina-ya, if you eat the curry then Daddy will—”_

_“Here you go, Mina,”_

_Daesung just wanted to scream when Jiyong had given it to Mina before he secured a deal with her. He lifted Mina up and took away the bunny doll, which made Mina crying after. He sighed in defeat again and gave back the bunny doll._

_“Why are you so mad at Mina, Daesung-ah?” Jiyong asked while wiping the trace of tears on Mina’s cheeks with his thumb._

_“Ah, Hyung. Mina has been naughty these days. She becomes a picky eater. While with me, she throws all the food away or eats the only things she likes, but when we’re with Seunghyun Hyung, she’s the opposite,” Daesung said._

_“Ah… I see…”_

_“What’s with the commotion, Daesung-ah?” Seunghyun approached Daesung and Mina._

_“Mina hasn’t eat her dinner yet, Hyung,”_

_“Is that right, Mina?” Seunghyun looked at the girl dearly and the girl only hid her face behind the bunny doll._

_“Mina wants Papa’s curry…”_

_“But the one before is also made by Papa, Mina-ya...” Daesung tried hard not to raise his voice and Seunghyun saw hopelessness on his eyes and chuckled._

_“Mina wants the one on big plate, not like before!” Mina pinched Daesung’s nose and it earned a loud laughter from Seunghyun and Jiyong._

_“Okay then, Mina. Papa will make a special one for you. Just wait on the table and sit, okay?”_

 

_After saying that, Seunghyun went back to the kitchen while Daesung and Mina sat again in their table. Seeing his Daddy was quite mad with her, she ate the beef in the curry, to which sparkled up Daesung’s eyes. Not long after, Seunghyun came out with the curry and ice cream vanilla with the colorful sprinkles on it._

_The chef set the meal on the table and upon seeing the curry Daesung’s and Mina’s eyes became bigger. Seunghyun sat and began to tell Mina a story._

_“Once upon a time, there was an ice cream island. The ice cream island was full of magic that all the things at there were made from ice cream and they can’t melt. Do you want to go to the ice cream island, Mina-ya?”_

_The little girl bobbed her head._

_“See the curry? The rice was the boat and the curry is the sea. In order to get to the ice cream land, you have to eat all of this. The corn, the potato and the carrot will be the fish who will accompany you to the island and the meat will be your captain!”_

_Mina began to raise her spoon._

_“But… BUT, if you don’t finish all the curry, the magic won’t be there and you can’t go to the ice cream land. It’s sad, right?”_

_Without wasting any seconds, Mina shoved the rice and began to eat happily. Daesung rolled his eyes when he saw his daughter, but he heaved a relieved sigh. He looked at Seunghyun who was smiling at the sight. Daesung reached Seunghyun’s hand and held it. He mouthed a thank you to the older man and Seunghyun caressed the back of his hand as the answer._

_“Papa have to go, okay? Because here is not the ice cream land, the ice will melt. So Papa will take this to the freezer first.”_

_Mina ignored Seunghyun and the man could only laugh._

_“As for the tired Daddy,” Seunghyun stood beside Daesung, “here’s iced barley tea for you. Jiyong said that this will wash away your tiredness. I think you grow a grey hair there,” he kissed Daesung’s head and then went back to the kitchen._

_The younger man ruffled the kiss trace Seunghyun had left on his head while smiling._

_Seunghyun indeed was a superman._

**

 

Daesung’s head started to get dizzy because of the soju he had drunk. He was trying to stay conscious when he heard something was put on his table. When he opened his eyes, he saw a scope of vanilla ice cream. He craned up his head to see the person who brought the ice cream and prepared himself to throw his tantrum to his Jiyong Hyung upon seeing the unwanted ice cream. But he then saw someone else brought it.

_Seunghyun._

“I told Jiyong Hyung not to bring me ice cream,” he massaged his temple to get rid the pain. “Bring it back to the kitchen. I won’t eat it.”

“As if you ate the ice cream before. You just let it melted. So what is the difference now?”

_Touche._

 

Seunghyun took a seat in front of Daesung and waited for Daesung’s answer. The half-sober man didn’t respond to his question. Instead, Daesung just lifted the soju bottle and poured the alcohol into a small glass.

 

_Come on, stop me._

 

That was Daesung wanted Seunghyun to do, but the man in front of him was looking somewhere on his chest.

“Cute,” Seunghyun pointed at the Daesung’s chest.

Daesung then realized the man was looking at the opened locket. Daesung took it on his hand. His eyes suddenly became sad, but he looked at the picture inside and smiled weakly, “Right. But apparently she has small eyes, just like mine.”

Without saying anything anymore, the man in front of Daesung could only nod. Daesung closed the lock and put it back behind his shirt.

_What? You don’t remember her?_

Daesung scoffed. The anger suddenly took over his body because Seunghyun didn’t notice their little angel. The brunette poured soju on his glass once again, drank it in one shot before producing long ‘ah’ sound. He looked at Seunghyun with heavy lidded eyes. Seeing the poker pace, he just wanted to throw the soju bottle at Seunghyun for not stopping the game.

“Hey,” Daesung called Seunghyun, “I hate you,” said Daesung with a stern voice. He rested his head on his right shoulder.

Seunghyun looked at Daesung in confusion. His eyebrows raised when he asked, “Why are you keep saying that you hate me?”

“Because you’re just staying at the kitchen, then only two months ago you came to see me. You know I’ve been waiting for you  _sooooo_  long here. I told Jiyong Hyung to call you to accompany me like you did before, but he always said that I’m crazy,” Daesung huffed a laugh while pointing at Jiyong. “How could I be crazy? He knows that you’re there in the kitchen, right?”

“I’m accompanying you, Daesung-ssi,”

“Daesung-ssi?” Daesung lost his patience. His voice became louder while looking at Seunghyun with fire on his eyes, “Call me Daesung-ah,”

“B-but… I don’t know you yet, Daesung-ssi,” Daesung heard the stutter, but he didn’t buy Seunghyun’s act.

“Are you really unfamiliar with me or you just messing around with me?”

Seunghyun shook his head, “You are… Kang Daesung?”

“Right, I am Kang Daesung and you are Choi Seunghyun,” Daesung straightened his back, looking at Seunghyun, a smirk drawn on his face. “Guess the joke that you made that day became real somehow,” he scoffed and ruffled his own hair. “Dammit.”

“You’re drunk, Daesung-ssi, and I think it’s better for you to stop drinking,”

“Why do you even care?”

“I don’t know! Is caring for someone a wrong thing to do?”

“Oh God,” Daesung closed his eyes and covered his face with his palm. Somehow he got his consciousness back when Seunghyun talked back at him.

 

_This is not right. He’s dead. I’m dreaming._

 

Anger, sadness, confusion; Daesung felt slightly hazy with all the mixed feeling he had now. He tried to focus getting rid Seunghyun’s images on his head because he knew it was all hallucination.

_It only happened when I’m drunk._

“I want to continue my life, but this is almost a year and I can’t erase you from my mind,” Daesung lifted up his hands and showed his palms at Seunghyun.  _No, it’s not Seunghyun. I’m dreaming._  “This is not right at all,” he shook his head furiously.

Daesung walked out from the restaurant, stopped at the entrance and chose to sit at the bench the restaurant provided for the customer on waiting list. His eyes set at the rail set where he put his bouquet for Seunghyun.

“Why are you keep talking to me like that, Hyung? It seems so real to me. I guess I’m really crazy,”

Daesung rubbed his face harshly. He massaged his temple and hit his own cheeks, as if he wanted to wake himself out.

“You’re not real. Although you’re not real, why did you keep staying on the kitchen and only approached me three months ago? And why are you becoming this real when it’s the day we pay respect for you? It’s seems that the universe is playing with me. Why can’t I see our little angel?”

***

 

_June 16 th, 1 year ago._

 

_Daesung ran to the restaurant as he knew he was late. He wanted to blame his boss because he couldn’t go home before the boss went home first. It was their fourth anniversary and the three of them would celebrate it at Jiyong’s restaurant. Unlike the previous anniversaries, Seunghyun would always took Daesung and Mina to the hotel and they would have fancy dinner there, but then Mina said that she wanted to eat curry._

Why not reminiscence the old day? _Daesung thought._

 

_But when he reached there, he only found the bunny doll on the table and wondered where Seunghyun and Mina went. He took his phone out from his pocket and dialed Seunghyun._

_“Jagiya, where are you?” Daesung asked as soon as he heard hello from the other side._

_“I am on my way. Sorry I forgot to buy a bouquet for you because I was telling this curry boat story episode 100 that I have to go back to the florist,” Seunghyun laughter chimed like a bell in his ears. “Would you please wait? We’re waiting for the red light to turn green and we will be there, Baby,”_

_Daesung said yes to the older man. He wanted to wait for them while sitting, but his just wanted to hug the love of his life as soon as possible. He missed Seunghyun and Mina so much. Daesung ran out from the restaurant. From across the street, Daesung could see Seunghyun was wearing white shirt and black trousers while Mina wore a little white dress. His daughter was holding the white roses bouquet with her. She waved the bouquet eagerly when she spotted Daesung._

 

_“Hey hurry up! It’s fifteen minutes past eight already—” Daesung screamed._

 

_All of a sudden, when the pedestrian lamp turned green, his locket dropped from his neck. He squatted to take it back. Just when Daesung turned his head to see Seunghyun and Mina, a truck came from the right side with an unusual quick speed going towards Mina who walked in front of Seunghyun. In a matter of seconds, it happened. The last thing Daesung heard was Mina’s scream._

_Daesung ran and ran. He was dizzy to think what would happen to the love of his life. He ignored the scream behind him, his focus only for Seunghyun and Mina. His fingers crossed, hoping that miracle would happened when he got there, that Seunghyun would stand and smile while Mina on his embrace. But all he saw was Seunghyun hugging Mina while laying on the street, didn’t move even a slight. Stream of blood came from Seunghyun’s head and shoulders while an iron stabbed Mina’s stomach, staining her white dress with blood._

_“No, Hyung! Noooooo!!! Minnaaaa! Wake up you twooo!! No please don’t do this to me, Hyung. Mina-ya, wake up! Please you promised me not to leave me…” his hands were busy checking the pulse of Mina and Seunghyun. “You can’t, please. I beg you.”_

_But his fingers felt nothing._

 

_Daesung’s scream tore the night sky._

 

_The white petals was scattered all over the street, mixed with the red blood._

 

_If only he could turn back the time._

***

 

“Hyung,” Daesung uttered the word weakly while looking up the sky. “Hyung, I will stop going to the restaurant. I will move to Korea again, because I need to move on, I need to reorganize my life again. I’m sorry I will leave you and Mina here.”

Slowly but sure his words became slurred as he sobbed, “Hyung… but I promise I will come back every year for the both of you.”

Daesung cried his heart out in front of the restaurant, he didn’t care about anything else although he knew the passerby was looking at him. He covered his face as, head hung low. He recalled the moment when he witnessed the accident –it still hurt his heart. He thought that when he recalled it again and again he would find comfort in the familiar pain, but he didn’t.

He missed Seunghyun so much. He missed Mina so much.

_When you left, you took my happiness and strength with you._

 

_Where are you when I need you?_

 

Daesung gradually stop crying and let the summer breeze blew his hair. He tried to control his ragged breath. Then when he took a deep breath, he felt something warm on his cheeks. His breath hitched, it was like Seunghyun was cupping his cheeks –the warmth was the same. Daesung put his own hands on his cheeks.

_He’s here?_

He gathered his energy and opened his mouth to call his dear Seunghyun. Even though he wanted to sound calm, there was an obvious stagger in his voice.

“Hyung?”

Tears came out from the corner of Daesung’s eyes, wetting his own hands. The feeling was the same, he could feel Seunghyun’s warm hands caressing his cheeks.

 

_I’m here, Daesung_

 

Daesung hesitated for a moment, he wanted to believe that really heard that Seunghyun just called him. His eyes were moving to search for the source of the warmth. But he realized that Seunghyun wasn’t there. Daesung put his hands on his thighs, curling it into fists while he closed tight his eyes, squeezing all the tears left.

 

_Crazy. I’m crazy._

 

“Hyung?” A voice called him.

“Seunghyun-ah…”

He turned to see the man who called him. A blonde haired man was standing in front of him. The warmth on his cheeks vanished slowly. He screamed inwardly at the empty feeling. But then he remembered his promise to the blonde.

“Please, just call me Seungri, Hyung. I know we have the same name but I can’t stand you calling me with that tone, as if you’re longing for  _that_  Seunghyun, not me. It’s time to move on, okay? You promised me.”

Daesung nodded against Seungri’s chest while the blonde man hugging him. “Let’s go, Hyung. We have a busy day tomorrow. You might want to rest.”

The brunette nodded and reached for the blonde’s hands. He tried to stand straight but then he almost fell to the ground, if it wasn’t because of the blonde who caught him fast. He then put Daesung’s arm around his shoulder and helped him walk to the taxi that was waiting.

Daesung took a look before he left the restaurant.

 

“Goodbye, Mina-ya, Seunghyun Hyung. I love you.”

**-END-**


End file.
